Disappointed & Done

My SEO says, “former believer in mankind.”

Every day, I lose more faith in humanity. Disappointment on a huge dish all served up to me. I am even disappointed in myself for still holding onto hope.

I can’t stop blogging even though there is NO POINT. I am growing. A bunch of voyeurs who cannot even click a fucking box. You watch me and I watch you watching me.

Oh and while, I am in a pissy mood, let me tell you, when you do not do a review, you impact someone’s chances of being successful or bettering themselves. People are that fucking selfish that while they dick around on their electronic devices, they would rather read Facebook statuses than look out for someone trying to make it-be it an artist or small business.

As a seller, I will break my ass for your bullshit order with all these demands or accept your pathetic-ass offer and you cannot even leave feedback. You got what you wanted. God fucking forbid, you think of someone other than yourself. I am the one here struggling, but who honestly gives a flying fuck? I work 18 hours a day to only move backwards.

I am going back to bed before I have to wake up and take care of my commitments which I do not get even get paid good fucking karma for.

I will be back blogging in no time because audience retention is the name of the game. I have grown so tired of this game. All of this traffic and hits and NOT ONE PERSON can help me find a steady source of income. What in the actual fuck?

While I am on a rant, I am so sick of summer. I need to start emptying out this house and kick it into overdrive. It is too fucking hot to breathe in the rooms I need to empty.

Honestly, I am trying to build a close-knit community. My near and dear have got to see me pay it forward. Just because I am at rock-bottom does not mean I have nothing to offer. I am not cold-calling people. I laugh because when I was in a leadership position, I could get anyone to do anything. Now, not so much.

Such Stress

I have a tattoo on my shoulder saying, “Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough. I don’t know why.” It is a line from the song Born to Die by Lana Del Rey. I got it after driving home from New England and thinking about my life two years ago.

When I am in pain, I am awful. My life has been full of pain. The more I hurt, the more I hunt. If I am going to bleed, the other party will too. I am a writer. It is my coping mechanism. I believe when you love someone, you fight for them. I fought like hell and it wasn't enough. After endless rejections in every aspect of life, I am never enough.

I have been thinking of someone and can feel them. I know I am on their mind. The analytics do not lie.

Part of me wishes they would come and rescue me like they tried to when the house of cards fell in April 2018. Who am I kidding though? I am not worth saving.

Blogging Break

I am taking a break because I do not know if people think I am joking or telling a story, but I am losing my house. I have been so sick physically because of the stress. I have nowhere to go. I have no one. The people that should care about me do not. I try and have tried, but some people will never change. I give everything and anything I can and get nothing in return. I only have myself.

I have never spoken on the phone as much as I have the past two days. If anyone ever has questions about foreclosure, holla atcha girl.

Also, I have been thinking and having dreams about someone a lot recently. I am on their mind as well. They spent their day off on this website. A 40-minute session and then returned in the afternoon. Sorry for getting you to land on Google, but your lies were not healthy for me. I will always love you but just because your girlfriend has leukemia does not mean you cannot leave her. I guess hit me up if she croaks. People like that never die young though.

I am the only one I have. You opted for a weak, needy, pathetic woman who is too dumb to even know who you really are. What we have four more months to go before we see each other again? That is a vicious cycle going strong for four years. Yes, I need you for one thing as you know because I will always have PTSD from the incident in July 2018.

Celebrating

My book was released one year ago today. It definitely WAS NOT worth it. I am taking a break from blogging for a few days. I am trying to get email subscribers. I will leave this linger for a bit while I work on other things,

I knew I shouldn't have relied on SS only for the subscriber list. Re-subscribe because it wasn’t capturing any email addresses. I wish Google hosted domains because I’d leave SS in a heartbeat.

Recommended Read

I need some Kindle versions of books purchased as well to keep this well-oiled machine running. I need to generate sales. To the envelope purchasers, thank you. My books are available under the About tab on this site. This author is awesome! To all the discounters, this is a quote from the book,

Only people who are content with the ordinary try to shoot down the dreams of others.”

Worth a read as well as his other books.


This book is about being self-taught. Despite having no degree in IT, I taught myself everything I know. Yet, I get discounted for not having the piece of paper.

On the One

Warning Long Post

This will bore you.

On the One”-three words I’ve grown to despise over time as I have the person who spits the words out. Upon opening up Pandora’s Box last weekend, I knew I would get acknowledged. I’d be recognized to stay silent. After all, shit is at stake.

However, I am a writer, and I get the last word. This country allows this beautiful thing called freedom. I wanted a response, and I knew exactly how to get one. Honestly, I want nothing to do with you. You asked me to stop contacting you. I ask the same of you. Leave me alone.

You stated you do not want me to mention you in conversations. I talk to very few people, and they do not want to hear about you. If people were interested in you, I’d release another book. You yield zero results for me. Only you are interested in yourself, and that creates your stasis in life.

I do credit you with having me see my full potential as I worked endlessly to find solidity. Even though I felt truly crazier than I ever felt, you never did reaffirm that. You knew I was right and figured it all out. I think you are crazier. I own my shit, unlike you. My life has always been stranger than fiction, and you are just a character in a long line known as my story.

I know you got in the night I gave you my phone. I know you are still in. I have nothing to hide, unlike you. Feel free to remain a guest. My life is an open book. I am the one with nothing to lose, remember? I already had the abandonment issues, and if anyone ever was to ask, I hold no loyalty to you and would roll on you as fast as you opted to disregard me.

I saw you for who you really are, and I accepted you. I even cared about you at one point after you wiggled your way into my life only to manipulate my mind. When that didn’t work, you wanted nothing to do with me. You lack emotional capacity, charisma, and charm. You will never love someone, and no one will ever love you. Your soul is a hollow, bottomless void. I wonder if you see who you are or if you ever will. We both are strategists, except I feel empathy and humility. You only feel inferiority and insecurity. That saddens me.

I am disappointed in myself that I fell for your farces. We are both actors except I exited stage left. The only person who can break me is myself, and you do not hold a flame to me. Warm regards. Melissa

Charlie Chaplin & Conversions

I just typed this long blog post about how frustrating it is to blog and work on this foolish, personal journey I embarked on to not get paid. In fact, I am the one who pays for this shit. I talked about the growth and audience and how I have to keep working endlessly to see no results as far as an income goes.

Then, guess what? The whole fucking post got deleted. I do not even know what I typed. A derailed train of thoughts was typed. Why do people keep searching FBI on this website? That is the most searched content. Are they hiring?

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Channel

Organic Search sets the stage for my silent audience.

Just so you know, if you are the victim of a crime, local authorities need to be contacted first. You cannot just go to the FBI. Good luck digging. I am not one to hide.

desperately seeking SOME engagement......

I plan on doing goal setting and conversions. I have the audience. I see the numbers. This is after “trending” on LinkedIn which btw did not do shit for me.

When CK blasted my ass to all of her “followers,” I was busy with achieving global results. I need answers. FYI: If you have visited my website, after six months, I no longer see you. Don’t be scared. Only shitty people get to feel my wrath. Honestly, I have other things on my plate than dissecting IP addresses. I solved my problem. I could care less who you are. I need answers.

Here is an anonymous poll.

I have the most silent audience in the world. However, I have one. Maybe I entertain people by being at rock bottom. I have self-awareness and own my shit. I have cut people off and out because I had to. Every action causes a reaction and I didn’t need anyone in my way clouding my judgment. I got the last monkey off my back and now it’s time.

I plan on doing private posts for subscribers and some other cool shit. I am bored and listless. I need more excitement in my life. I will get into that later. The data doesn’t lie. I know you are there. Hit yes or no and let me know. Here it goes.

I pay $900 in monthly fees to sell to just one company. That money would prevent my potential of being homeless. I have E-commerce fully integrated on this website and we are talking the real deal. Do I start selling on my own? I even have a business partner and do we opt to pay out the ass in fees to other companies or pay 3% to accept payments. Let me know do I open up my own shop? I even have a domain and can do a redirect for now. Also, I can land on Google shopping placing 3rd or 4th. I honestly need input. I am not going to be irrational and pull the trigger. This needs feedback and needs to be well-thought out.

Checkbox

Do I start selling on my own?

If I only get one person answering, I will switch to hand-writing all of my shit.

Ps: I am getting clicks but no sales. These are my go-to as well.



Thought

Should I start selling beauty on here? I am paying $900/month to sell. Hence, why I am in financial distress. E-commerce is fully integrated and all my shit is ready to go. I am not talking Shopify either. That is too basic for this bitch.

I have all my proper documentation and could write whatever I want in my product descriptions, such as, “price is firm, ya cheap ass.” 3% or 20% fees? Hmmm……

Childhood & Confidence

Right now, I am miffed because an imbecile accompanies me. I've come to learn over the past 18 months the depth of my intellect.

Personally, when it comes to decisions, I admit, I am a moron.

I never realized how intelligent I was until recently. In school, I wasn't as smart as other students. I grew up with geniuses in a utopic suburb. I felt that I wasn't smart enough. If you were not perfect, you meant nothing.

Adding to my low self-esteem, was gym class. Team captains selected their teams. I always waited until the end until I was better than the worst. I hated sports. I was creative, not athletic. However, in Suburbia, you must play the perfect part. I was forced into activities I had zero passion for. When you lack passion, you lack talent.

Fast forward many years, now my mind (which is not malleable) is noticed. It helps to put a face to the brains, but many see my mind, not my body or face. That is what I want.

I wish I realized how capable I was years ago. Life would be different. Instead of focusing on the wrong things and being forced to play catch up halfway through life, I would be in a better situation than my current state.

Topic Tomorrow: Trends

I am exhausted and going to bed. I did something to my eye and was unable to do much work today. Tomorrow, I am going blog about the journey from beginning this website until now. I will talk about trends, organic growth and I will be damned, but I am going to actively seek conversions. This is your warning.

I have the most silent audience and I love you all for being voyeurs, but I need engagement. I am bored and listless. It is time to step things up a bit.

I am going to start doing a private access newsletter where I reveal the nitty gritty. My other website I think is expired. I am not renewing it. I will talk about all of that tomorrow.

Goodnight quiet ones.

Reject and Respect

If you cannot reject, you lose my respect.

Seriously, how hard is it to reject someone? I suppose I am so terrible I’m just constantly ignored. I do not even get the common courtesy of someone taking one minute of their precious day to reject me.

No longer do I feel disappointment when I get rejected. I am angry that I waste my time. I am irritated in humanity. People blatantly lack respect, cannot be an adult, and actually reject me.

I do not chase after people to seek out a rejection. When I am angry, I only work harder.

Time to put a donation box at the bottom and see who really gives a f**k.

Life and Lemons

Switched envelope suppliers because the prices went up $5 for one pack. No communication regarding this and they were raised after I asked for a bulk discount. If I had to surmise, they are running a second store because new sellers continue to pop up like litters of alley cats. I watch the prices because after I buy certain envelopes, the prices increase. This brand has great quality, cute designs, and don’t cost more than the product you are shipping out. Hashtag Found on Amazon.

Reminiscing

Back when I was younger, we would go out every Thursday night to beat the clock. It basically was an event held at a bar where we binge drank as much as we could as the prices went up. By the time the clock ran out, we wanted to be intoxicated and have our money’s worth.

I miss those days and was reminded today of beating the clock because I accidentally slept in. I slept the best I have last night in so long that I cannot even remember. Waking up many hours after my intended time, I realized I had to beat the clock and cram in as many errands as I could in a short window.

I had obstacles. I had encountered an engagement of small talk, my car needed gas, but I was hell-bent on beating the clock. Nothing like when I was young where the reward was being so drunk you had no idea who you were, it was a reward of self-gratification and accomplishment.

I successfully beat the clock, and the smile on my face is worth more than any shot or Bacardi and Coke I used to engulf myself in back then. All proud seeing I beat the clock, my victory was displayed in my smile. Feeling confident, I observed. It was well worth it. My hair, makeup, outfit, and tanned skin were on point.

I may be taking baby steps, but I am taking steps. I am content. I know I am free. I feel as if the dead weight pressing on my chest has not only been lifted but has been hauled off to the junkyard. The scrap metal polluting my being can weigh someone else down. It can cut and scratch some other poor, tortured soul causing cuts, bruises, and bad blood.

When you encounter people who are truly trash, remember to find out what day garbage day is and drag that shit to the curb. Keep yourself beautiful. Keep yourself free from unfriendly forces. The feeling of weightlessness is more valuable than any precious metal.

Idaho

I keep applying for positions in Idaho. I could have my “Own Private Idaho” and only eat potatoes for the rest of my life. Honestly, I think I only had one visitor in 14 months from Idaho.

I’ve been thinking too much, feeling a lot, and not doing enough to prepare for the worst. I think of how everything started. Is it non-conformity, individualism, or independence?

Someone was on my porch again yesterday. With all the chaos in the world, do you think I am answering my door for an unexpected visitor?

That is why certain routines work and relationships form. My mail woman rings the doorbell a certain way. Another driver who lost the route would beep the horn before pulling up. Another driver rings the doorbell and knocks the door with a box.

With that being said, I have to get ready to go get groceries. I always shop during off hours because I do not like crowds. I never thought that people go at certain times because of fear. This is the world we live in.