All I ever wanted in life was to be myself. Add society’s standards compounded with self-righteousness and I felt imprisoned. I was not my true self. Now I am and life gets easier when you stop caring so much. Despite obstacles out the ass, I am okay.

Now as I look at life seeing I waited so long to be myself, I see many others not being themselves. Hiding behind usernames, fake names, and multiple names, they do all they can to lead a double, triple, or quadruple life. Why?

I know who I am and I see people for who they really are. No matter how many aliases people decorate themselves with, they truly remain transparent. Those people really have no place.

I much prefer to kick it with the few who are true.

Content Creation

Legit, broke AF right now, if you need anything created, please let me know. I can give you my TIN or a W-9. I accept all forms of payment. Email info@melissaannmeade.com

I spent a few hours last night cleaning up the breach of that inbox.

Or if you need skincare, I will direct you to my “store.”

Or if you just like throwing money at people and do not require them to work for it, there is this also.

Donate

Biographical Blunders

I am laughing. APA is dead. I threw out my manual a few weeks ago. Generation X tends to place two spaces after sentences. In the internet realm, you need to train yourself to only use one. Shit, if I can train myself to be disciplined, anyone can do it.

After editing, let’s say, a biography, you may want to edit the entire website. I get lost with all the space between sentences. Also in this internet world, one thing that will always remain primitive is human behavior.

Aw creatives. I sometimes sense them, but I wonder if I outshine them? They do have one thing they are drawn to, the darkness. Just wait until the power goes out. Who will shine brighter then?

Gratitude is GONE

I make mistakes. I am human. With unbearable heat, no sleep, and doing EVERYTHING on my own, I apologize that I sent you the incorrect, high-end hair spray.

I unfortunately (or should I say fortunately) do not know the difference because life does not afford me such luxuries.

I worry about losing my house, and people worry about a $12 vanity product. Hence why I despise selling and think we live in a very UGLY world.

I also love the people who come back 16-31 days later stating the item was used. First of all, I do not wear any mascara because I cry too much as my quality of life continues to diminish. Second of all, I would not wear the brand you are wigging out about.

I pay eBay $1,000/month in fees. Then add the PayPal fees. Don’t forget I am offering free shipping as well. The USPS loses shipments like a boss as well. How can I get ahead? The simple answer, “I can’t.”

A few of the bottom-feeders claimed I was lying. Here is a glimpse into MY WORLD. I can add the certified mail slips regarding my other debt. Would that be legitimate enough for you? People are so rotten. I try so hard and get nowhere in life.

When you complain about something so trivial, I WISH I had your problems.

Creative Circle

I always knew there had to be this secret group of creative people that could be themselves amongst one another but also conform.

Throughout this “trend,” I received two thoughtful messages from two men. They did not hit on me questioning, “are you single or married?” They had genuine messages of open-mindedness and kindness. Two men made me cry not from breaking my heart like the long line of losers I’ve latched onto, but from their positive messages and positive purpose.

I’d love to broaden my demographic because my current one will never move other women forward because they opt to play the male game of whose d**k is bigger. Men do not hold women back. Women hold women back.

Forbidden Friendship

One person from my previous employer interacts with me occasionally. We spoke last night. Career-seeking tip #1, “never speak poorly about your previous employer.”

I followed that tip, which led me to a destination I would refer to as nowhere.

There is plenty I have and will say about that company one day. I have enough to write a “tell-all” book. I will be ruthless when I do my big reveal. (I kind of need people to read my first book to get there though.)

I was pleased to find out that my favorite boss EVER left the company. He was too good for that place, and I hope whoever got him knows he is a god amongst leaders.

Call it the Leo in me, but I am hella loyal to great people. Sometimes, they put on a grand act and then show their true colors. To all of those that disregarded, discarded, or discounted me, this is my message to you:

The world will hear my side of your story.

You cannot and will not stop me.

Data or a Degree?

My LinkedIn profile originally had “Google me if interested. Personality: Creative, Entrepreneurial, Investigative, and a Lone Wolf.”

It was recommended by someone in the peanut gallery to change it. Someone who had written 50 books, yet I cannot seem to find her or her books on Google. Do you know what more people did after I deleted my bio? They still searched me.

The behind-the-scenes people that do not want me to '‘see” them even though I still can. Yes please Google me and see all of the hard work I have put into myself. It doesn’t come up with my address and phone number courtesy of White Pages. It is my page and I am proud of that.

I do not even think I knew what SEO meant when I started this. Now I expose companies and people. I used to say, “never piss a writer off.” Even better though , “don’t piss off a writer who can also index you in 60 seconds.” My weapon of choice has always been words.

Creative-obviously.

Entrepreneurial-can sell anything but myself.

Investigative-the results speak for themselves. No degree needed here.

Lone Wolf-I trust one person with this website. She has all the admin functions and can see everything I have written but have hidden.

Jolted in July

I can finally update my website. An American holiday where we celebrate our liberties. Seeing numbers as I have seen, maybe I can change my SEO. Perhaps I will believe in humanity again.

I know exhausted and I know exhaustion. I know hungry, and I know hunger. Hunger, a total game changer, makes me sad. In the LinkedIn comment thread of my post, this was stated to me.

“I would rather take down content then become homeless or go on welfare.”

This has been eating away at me. Is this ignorance or naivety? I can’t even place words on this, to be honest. Everyone said, “oh, you're crazy, go on disability.” I worked 22 years straight and applied. I gave those bastards enough money. I got denied because I was “too educated.” Yet, not educated enough to be hired anywhere?

Here are the facts: I have no income, other household members, or anything else. I had assets to cash out. I need healthcare and couldn’t afford $400/month. I told them I was trying. Every Sunday, I was filling out that fucking employment sheet. 1,300 solid applications shot through, got through, only to be denied or ignored more I would say.

I wanted to reply back, “bitch, I am on welfare. JUST BECAUSE I AM LOW CLASS DOES NOT MEAN I AM WHITE TRASH. I begged a man at LinkedIn to give me an equal economic opportunity for 30 days because I didn’t have a credit card to give him, and that’s how I got premium. He has a heart, unlike you witch.

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are, what you are, how you are, or why you are the way you are. YOU SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED.

The point of my post was if someone does not know you or who you are (there is more bad than good in the world if you ask me), they should not have an opinion. I will share the shit out of my struggle because it could happen to anyone at any given time. I think everyone needs to learn how to be humble.

I feel you can judge someone after you know them. Some people are bad seeds and some things, take it from me, are unforgivable. I have also done the whole forgiveness thing. To me, it depends on how deep my wounds are.

People can judge me because I am my own worst enemy.

My Mindset

I know the number of my regular readers. Some have a set of balls to do the walk of shame with me and let me know. If you opt for the behind-the-scenes shit, to each their own. If you are new, this will show you if you take time and work, you can pierce the surface. I do not know what direction life is going in but I finally broke through and didn’t try. 600% growth daily and I had a decent audience. Certain companies have even put up digits and at the end, I tie my thoughts all together.

If you followed me from the start, you would know what happens in my next book. It is already written. Hence why I can bang a book out in 60 days because the time taken is me going through the emotions. I have to craft rapid thoughts into fluidity.

I got my demographic after studying on my own with NO degree and NO money spent. Female 25-34 was the lead result. I went back in time as I do in my books and what did I like? Vanity products to make me forget how fucked up life was and shit I didn’t need to make me feel better about things. I would sell beauty products to my demographic. I would gain a profit and an audience by buying kits and breaking them down.

That was strategic. I wasn’t paying anyone. I got my own audience. I left social media because I was wasting time only seeing 1% results. Facebook is an animal and despite landing on page 1, it is not a real result on my SERP. I can get it removed, but it is at the bottom. Let people look for me even though my “family” cannot seem to find me.

I probably sold more books on the masochistic marketplace Mercari than I did on Amazon. Then enter the drama, the bottom-feeders, the boot, and ruffling a few feathers.

Birds of a feather.

Also-note millennials love technological stuff with a touch of old-school.

I designed thank you cards (Canva), wrote notes, and inserted them in 90% of my orders with my website listed. It looked as if I was following their rules virtually, but always remember think OUTSIDE THE BOX. That is why I got booted because I knew their weaknesses a.k.a.

USER EXPERIENCE.

I am going to totally take advantage of the spike, tag Mercari and tweet it to them. Maybe I will get more traffic from Japan.

I can’t even blog because I am getting pummeled in traffic today here and my other places. Over the past 72 hours, I have had 6 hours of sleep. I have been working since 6:00 am and this is my point. A person without a growth mindset, would say, “it’s the 4th of July, why are you working?”

A person who possesses a growth mindset (like myself and people I am close to) does not question it.

As I said when I started, “the United States is too small for me. I am going for the world.”

I have to be in all time zones and there are 3 hours in a day where it gets quiet across the world. That being said, I do not like selling and simply am doing this to attempt to survive. I will tell you if I had an extra person, it would be lucrative but you need two workhorses. I honestly want someone to do all this bullshit work for me. I can plan it but I just honestly want to live a slower-paced life without people bothering me about their lotion being expired or inauthentic (please). How the hell do I have time to dick around and tamper products? I sell them too fast.

When I Write

I have 100 racing thoughts balled up in my mind. I think of my past, present, and future. I am trying to unbundle the ball of bullshit in my brain to write a loosely eloquent post.

I can’t keep up with my creativity sometimes and always resort to handwriting thoughts down or recording them. I never let them go. Sometimes I go back to them and can finish the train of thought. Other times, I leave them derailed, written down on pieces of paper or drafted on a blog.

Do you know how many notebooks, piece of loose paper, envelopes, and storage devices I have with all the thoughts? Too many to try and organize. I have always hidden things, even from myself.

I have journals saying, “go to the other journal.” I’d go to the other journal, and it would state, “Did I fool you?

“Yes, bitch, you did. You fooled the world.”

Views, Visitors, & going "Viral"

Why do people strive for views, likes, comments, and all that happy horse shit? I posted on LinkedIn because I was pissed no one will hire me. The post was deemed by LinkedIn as “trending” in #society. I did not write it with any intention other than just venting. I took a three-month leave from LinkedIn. My post naturally was picked up by strangers who are my support system. As of right now, it is over 16,000 views. What does organic growth cost? $0.00.

Maybe that is why companies do not like me because you do not need to pay for advertising. I paid under $20 to begin my growth. Annually, I get socked with a $500.80 bill to keep this website running.

My post was misconstrued because they did not know my past and present life. I took the advice to change my profile from a technical recruiter and look boring and basic now. I am creative. My technical skills were a circumstance. Techies only see black, white, and gray. Creatives see every crazy color. Apologies if I offend you. Prove me wrong.

I think the assumption was made that I worked in the IT Industry. No, I am just some random chick who was hacked by a dude who claimed to possess technical superiority. That biography has since been removed upon me catching him. Now he is nervous I will name drop. He does not deserve any recognition or attention. I will spare the world.

I will have to find the posts I removed, showing what I went through and add them to the archives. Only half of my content is live because I slightly conformed to a corporate mindset. As I said, I’ve tried everything to find employment.

It does not matter what industry I worked in because no one in any industry will hire me.

Going viral has created a few conversions. Google queries have increased, a practice I do three times daily. Imagine my surprise when someone used my exact name, looking for donations. It wasn’t me. Their campaign was shut down because I am not affiliated with panhandling (yet). Just because I look rich and famous does not mean I am. You can be whoever you want to be on the internet. When I rebranded, I added my middle name because there is a stifling chick with the same first and last name. I did not want to be associated with her, and I am sure the feeling is mutual.

I sold one book that I know of. I had one person answer a poll. I also noticed when I told someone about the post I was ignored. Most people will only love you when you are on top of the world or at rock bottom. There is no in-between. They want to reap the benefits of you being on your A-Game, or they want to be needed.

What I need now is someone to take the recycling out. Wait, that’s me. Have a good day and good holiday. Independence Day has always been my favorite holiday because we celebrate our freedom. Live and learn that and to be free of judgment.

Poetry

I am going on the record. I know you have seen his quotes on social media. This man is the greatest poet of all-time. BUY HIS BOOKS. I am just a fan. He writes beautiful poems every female needs to read. He will restore your faith in men.

Beau Taplin

Then….when that man in your life goes on to destroy you, shift to mine that are dark, morbid, and unleash hell on the subjects.

Unsuccessful Update

I did an About Me section for visitors to read who I am and who I was. I am sticking with who I am and not going back to my past life.

I am trying to add my books because they are actually really good and I am trying to take advantage of the spike in traffic. I do not do mediocrity and would not release books that were not good. My life is stranger than fiction and it is too crazy to not tell my story.

My dream is to find a publisher, have enough to live on, and move to a cabin in the mountains of Vermont and just write. I have documented my life since age 13.

If you want to buy my book of Memoirs, Melissa’s Manic Memoirs. I get $4.90 in two months for the paperback and maybe $2.00 for the Kindle, but it’s available for free with KU and KOLL.

Dark poetry, I earn $2 for paperbacks and $.35 for the Kindle. From Melancholic to Catastrophic and From Melancholic to Ruined.

Visitor who left a Void

5:55 am this morning, you visited my website, not connected to wifi. You didn’t arrive by Googling yourself. Check page 2 because I went gentle. I will not tag you in this because my traffic is spiking heavy and we can’t have Prince Charming look like a bad guy to the world now, can we?

You threatened my life and I threatened your information. If you did send that man to my house last week, he was arrested. His car was towed. I have pictures of him getting caught.

Maybe it is time to write Melissa’s Manic MenMoirs because I already have the ISBN. According to the users of LinkedIn, I should remove my content. My life’s work after I typed 10% of it out. I am not going to delete anything. I do not lie and pretend to be someone who I am not. I did that for a long-ass time and it got me nowhere. I have nothing, but I do have some epic stories to tell.

“I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.” Kurt Cobain

April 2018, you saw me the day I was destroyed and in shambles. You saw first hand what was done to me and what do you do? The same exact thing.

Because I am independent and strong, I get chucked off like I am disposable because I don’t need you. Let me tell you being strong is exhausting and you made a mistake.

I do not pretend to love anyone, I do not pretend to be happy with someone I am not, and I do not make false promises to someone I supposedly love.

I am done being wronged. I am done being a free vessel for others to step on my back as a rung in their success. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.