desperately seeking SOME engagement......

I plan on doing goal setting and conversions. I have the audience. I see the numbers. This is after “trending” on LinkedIn which btw did not do shit for me.

When CK blasted my ass to all of her “followers,” I was busy with achieving global results. I need answers. FYI: If you have visited my website, after six months, I no longer see you. Don’t be scared. Only shitty people get to feel my wrath. Honestly, I have other things on my plate than dissecting IP addresses. I solved my problem. I could care less who you are. I need answers.

Here is an anonymous poll.

I have the most silent audience in the world. However, I have one. Maybe I entertain people by being at rock bottom. I have self-awareness and own my shit. I have cut people off and out because I had to. Every action causes a reaction and I didn’t need anyone in my way clouding my judgment. I got the last monkey off my back and now it’s time.

I plan on doing private posts for subscribers and some other cool shit. I am bored and listless. I need more excitement in my life. I will get into that later. The data doesn’t lie. I know you are there. Hit yes or no and let me know. Here it goes.

I pay $900 in monthly fees to sell to just one company. That money would prevent my potential of being homeless. I have E-commerce fully integrated on this website and we are talking the real deal. Do I start selling on my own? I even have a business partner and do we opt to pay out the ass in fees to other companies or pay 3% to accept payments. Let me know do I open up my own shop? I even have a domain and can do a redirect for now. Also, I can land on Google shopping placing 3rd or 4th. I honestly need input. I am not going to be irrational and pull the trigger. This needs feedback and needs to be well-thought out.

Checkbox

Do I start selling on my own?

If I only get one person answering, I will switch to hand-writing all of my shit.

Ps: I am getting clicks but no sales. These are my go-to as well.



Thought

Should I start selling beauty on here? I am paying $900/month to sell. Hence, why I am in financial distress. E-commerce is fully integrated and all my shit is ready to go. I am not talking Shopify either. That is too basic for this bitch.

I have all my proper documentation and could write whatever I want in my product descriptions, such as, “price is firm, ya cheap ass.” 3% or 20% fees? Hmmm……

Childhood & Confidence

Right now, I am miffed because an imbecile accompanies me. I've come to learn over the past 18 months the depth of my intellect.

Personally, when it comes to decisions, I admit, I am a moron.

I never realized how intelligent I was until recently. In school, I wasn't as smart as other students. I grew up with geniuses in a utopic suburb. I felt that I wasn't smart enough. If you were not perfect, you meant nothing.

Adding to my low self-esteem, was gym class. Team captains selected their teams. I always waited until the end until I was better than the worst. I hated sports. I was creative, not athletic. However, in Suburbia, you must play the perfect part. I was forced into activities I had zero passion for. When you lack passion, you lack talent.

Fast forward many years, now my mind (which is not malleable) is noticed. It helps to put a face to the brains, but many see my mind, not my body or face. That is what I want.

I wish I realized how capable I was years ago. Life would be different. Instead of focusing on the wrong things and being forced to play catch up halfway through life, I would be in a better situation than my current state.

Topic Tomorrow: Trends

I am exhausted and going to bed. I did something to my eye and was unable to do much work today. Tomorrow, I am going blog about the journey from beginning this website until now. I will talk about trends, organic growth and I will be damned, but I am going to actively seek conversions. This is your warning.

I have the most silent audience and I love you all for being voyeurs, but I need engagement. I am bored and listless. It is time to step things up a bit.

I am going to start doing a private access newsletter where I reveal the nitty gritty. My other website I think is expired. I am not renewing it. I will talk about all of that tomorrow.

Goodnight quiet ones.

Reject and Respect

If you cannot reject, you lose my respect.

Seriously, how hard is it to reject someone? I suppose I am so terrible I’m just constantly ignored. I do not even get the common courtesy of someone taking one minute of their precious day to reject me.

No longer do I feel disappointment when I get rejected. I am angry that I waste my time. I am irritated in humanity. People blatantly lack respect, cannot be an adult, and actually reject me.

I do not chase after people to seek out a rejection. When I am angry, I only work harder.

Time to put a donation box at the bottom and see who really gives a f**k.

Life and Lemons

Switched envelope suppliers because the prices went up $5 for one pack. No communication regarding this and they were raised after I asked for a bulk discount. If I had to surmise, they are running a second store because new sellers continue to pop up like litters of alley cats. I watch the prices because after I buy certain envelopes, the prices increase. This brand has great quality, cute designs, and don’t cost more than the product you are shipping out. Hashtag Found on Amazon.

Reminiscing

Back when I was younger, we would go out every Thursday night to beat the clock. It basically was an event held at a bar where we binge drank as much as we could as the prices went up. By the time the clock ran out, we wanted to be intoxicated and have our money’s worth.

I miss those days and was reminded today of beating the clock because I accidentally slept in. I slept the best I have last night in so long that I cannot even remember. Waking up many hours after my intended time, I realized I had to beat the clock and cram in as many errands as I could in a short window.

I had obstacles. I had encountered an engagement of small talk, my car needed gas, but I was hell-bent on beating the clock. Nothing like when I was young where the reward was being so drunk you had no idea who you were, it was a reward of self-gratification and accomplishment.

I successfully beat the clock, and the smile on my face is worth more than any shot or Bacardi and Coke I used to engulf myself in back then. All proud seeing I beat the clock, my victory was displayed in my smile. Feeling confident, I observed. It was well worth it. My hair, makeup, outfit, and tanned skin were on point.

I may be taking baby steps, but I am taking steps. I am content. I know I am free. I feel as if the dead weight pressing on my chest has not only been lifted but has been hauled off to the junkyard. The scrap metal polluting my being can weigh someone else down. It can cut and scratch some other poor, tortured soul causing cuts, bruises, and bad blood.

When you encounter people who are truly trash, remember to find out what day garbage day is and drag that shit to the curb. Keep yourself beautiful. Keep yourself free from unfriendly forces. The feeling of weightlessness is more valuable than any precious metal.

Idaho

I keep applying for positions in Idaho. I could have my “Own Private Idaho” and only eat potatoes for the rest of my life. Honestly, I think I only had one visitor in 14 months from Idaho.

I’ve been thinking too much, feeling a lot, and not doing enough to prepare for the worst. I think of how everything started. Is it non-conformity, individualism, or independence?

Someone was on my porch again yesterday. With all the chaos in the world, do you think I am answering my door for an unexpected visitor?

That is why certain routines work and relationships form. My mail woman rings the doorbell a certain way. Another driver who lost the route would beep the horn before pulling up. Another driver rings the doorbell and knocks the door with a box.

With that being said, I have to get ready to go get groceries. I always shop during off hours because I do not like crowds. I never thought that people go at certain times because of fear. This is the world we live in.

Never underestimate Nerds

Do you remember the dudes in high school who lived with their parents until they got married? The guys who never got laid until they got their first girlfriend whom became their wife? The geeks and freaks never should be underestimated. Wait until I tell my story about two nerds who turned their 90’s Dungeons and Dragons bid into something much larger. Now properties are up for sale and their technical superiority comes into question by me.

Never strong at SEO, these two tools still leave breadcrumbs behind. Gretel has enough breadcrumbs to feast on. If the dorky douches wonder where their GMB went, it was wiped out by me. You’re welcome.

I have attempted to speak to the direct source and he has chosen to ignore me. Mercari opted to ignore me and my content on that corrupt company still draws in an audience five months later. To my hopeless hacker, you cannot and will not silence me. Your story will be told and it will be told really soon.

Lesson to learn: never underestimate the crazy chick.

Green Eggs and Spam

Conversation with a self-proclaimed stranger. I write everything down. Remember even if you remove content or your website, it still shows up in a search.

  1. Detective stuff is your specialty. The more you know, the more you do. Supporting yourself shouldn’t be a problem.Perhaps if people were free of judgment, I’d find work. Yes I am onto you. Why wouldn’t you hire me? I’d only make you better. We both have trust issues. Let’s sign NDAs. Fun known fact, the FBI tried to recruit my mother when she was 17. Maybe it is genetic?

  2. I bought your stories. You wanna be J.K. Rowling? Write another Harry Potter and change the lives of millions except you don’t write about kids and magic.” No I do not Bromeo. My life is stranger than fiction. I get freak asses like you engaging with me.

  3. You can do what you do best. Either writing, SEO, or a combination of both.Maybe I cannot write.

  4. You are not simple. Am I talking to a hacker?No shit for brains. I was the ONE who was hacked.

  5. You learned too much and are too smart. You can’t fool me you nut. Too bad you need to act stupid sometimes. You need to give some space and confidence to others. Otherwise, you cannot cooperate. You are too smart. You may just be setting me up to something.Now there is only one person I would go after.

  6. You are something different. Shitty stuff suits you. The Melissa I knew has come back. HAHA.Shitty stuff meaning as in men, like you?

  7. Write me something that will take your brilliant brain less than ten minutes. You are capable of something more challenging.” I wrote something and they felt insulted. I was due to get paid a few bucks and I received nothing. Story of my life.

  8. I will help you find a job. The rest is on you. I can give you more than you can take.Who else would this person be? There is only one person who continues to challenge me. I am a big girl, you can release this wounded bird. If you think you have been helping me, you have only truly been hurting me.

  9. Conversation turned to Google and SEO. “Umm…I need to relax. You can do more….I will get you something asap before you become homeless. (Insert GIF). He will protect you as well.” This guy did not do shit for me. He morphed into some other alias. I am over the hiding behind usernames. I know who it is. This gentleman talked about protecting me. I am pretty sure I am protecting him. His identity. His multiple lives, personalities, and his secrets. Yes, I taunt him and rip on him because he devastated me. He sent me on this journey. I underestimated him and now I am over him. I need him to move on. I want to speak to the person I knew and ask why. Does he find a sick joy in seeing me struggle?

  10. "You are too talkative. Are you on drugs today? This is so not you. This is not the Melissa I knew. You can start over somehow if you just behave. You choose the hard way. Either bear with the current situation or give up your dream and bend to reality. The consequences of what you have chosen. A road unknown. A destination in the middle of nowhere.When you lose it all and the chips are stacked against you, you transform. When you lose it all, your vision of humanity becomes crystal clear. I see through you. I have seen through you. You left me for dead.

Choices

Today, I opted to not answer the door because I did not want to feel a false sense of elation or true disappointment.

I chose to not respond to text messages or emails because those people do not know the difference between life or death. Perhaps people are fortunate to not know such a delicate line. I suppose those people see struggles differently. Trivial things may take up too much space in their minds. Trust me I deal with people going berserk over misreading or not reading my product descriptions. Somehow, it is always my fault.

I choose whether or not to engage. I may have a silent audience, but I have an audience. It can be assimilated to onlookers watching a crime take place and taking no action. This train has fallen off the tracks.

To the Thieves

You may not understand, I have nothing more to lose except my life, which I honestly could care less about. My house is going into foreclosure. I am flat-ass broke. You want to fuck me over? You are playing with fire. I may have nothing, but I have my words and a website. I can bury your ass on Google in 60 seconds flat. Your choice.

when you have Nothing, you become Nothing

I feel as if I have to write this post because I have been reflecting on how many times people did not have money for lunch and I would buy them lunch. I think about how many hours I worked unpaid to help someone. I think about donating to causes or school fundraisers. I think about supporting small businesses because I assumed they valued my business. I think about paying people’s way and everything else that would fall under good karma.

Now here I sit on my throne of shit and have three people who help me and check in. None being related to me. I do what I can still to help people, but once people get what they want from you or achieve their goal, they move on. They seem to forget all the shit you did for them.

I get it selfishness is in, but no one looks out for the greater good, only for themselves.

Humanity makes me so sad. I had a person last night make my stomach turn. I wanted to say, “you get more bees with honey.” Now she will get nothing from me because she was vile and blinded by ignorance by being unable to read a writer’s description. If I had some of these people’s “problems,” man I’d be pretty fortunate.

I had a stranger reach out to me and it was either someone I knew or a member of my audience. They got their jabs in and I will write my rebuttal to them. Maybe other people have the same questions or feel the same way. I have no issues cutting people off or out.

My situation is NOT a choice, it is a circumstance.

PSA

For the critics, I present ONLY the jobs I applied to just on LinkedIn. I have also used every imaginable platform to find a job. We cannot forget all the executives, companies, and connections I have contacted asking for a job. Do you dim-wits really think I enjoy my situation? Next person who questions if I found a job will feel my wrath. Who the fuck enjoys being a destitute? I know someone and I AM NOT HIM- MY BROTHER. People seem to prefer helping drug addicts who steal and lie than someone who is trying and busting their ass. What I wouldn’t give to move and never come back here. I will not take one glance back.

IMG_5779.jpg