Morning that Matters

In my “Dearly Deleted” YouTube video, I mentioned one person who corresponds with me every week from my previous employer. We just spoke on the phone and those little things in life matter more than anything.

They did not even know I referred to them in the video. They do not cower in fear from a corrupt culture led by demons of demise.

With that being said, fair-weather friends become more evident as you and your friend go through peaks and valleys. I am fortunate to have true friends and to have weeded out the false friends.

They say you can count your friends on one hand and that is the truth. For me, family isn’t everything. It is the friends that become family that carry their weight in gold.

Risk versus Reward

I received feedback regarding the book stating, "man, I really hope the reward outweighs the risk." This meant that by shedding and revealing everything people shouldn't talk about, no one will ever hire me in any capacity.

There is no money in self-publishing. I wrote this book because I had a story to tell and wanted to show I wasn't who anyone (including myself) thought I was. I wanted to help people understand that it is okay to have certain thoughts and feelings. I wanted people to be true to themselves. I wanted to inspire people that they don't have to put on an act and there is no prescribed or predefined way to live your life. I wanted to show people to not judge and to be kind because you honestly do not know what someone is going through. 

Yesterday, the rewards paid dividends. Not in royalties or sales numbers. Although, I am proud of the sales, but because the word is spreading fast. Yesterday, my reward was connecting with people. It turned into a thread on Facebook where there was unity, support, and positivity. There was no judgment. I did enough judging so nothing will phase me. It was just an enriching experience.

I heard from someone on Reddit stating that I am very brave and that I should not be ashamed. This book has the potential to be something substantial. Again, money is not the motive. The motive is motivation and inspiration. I said, if I could help one person, I did my job. I think I helped a few and I helped relationships be stronger and built with bricks instead of throwing bricks at one another. That makes every bit of the suffering I went through to write the book worth it.

a Child's Chance

Last night, I was on Facebook doing a quick scroll. I limit my time on there because I am guilty of getting too focused on my feed. I was fortunate enough to come across a post from a friend asking if anyone could proofread a letter regarding her son. Being that I just endlessly edited 267 pages of my book, I commented. I offered my help. It was very well written and I did minor revisions. I admit, I bawled throughout the entire letter. The strength, love, and beauty she has is truly remarkable. 

It took me awhile to proof it, due to my emotions. In seeing what she is going through. I hope, in some small way, I helped. I hope that her gorgeous son gets the care he needs. I hope her and her family get a little bit of peace. Her mother is a great woman as well and to be able to help this family in any way meant the world to me. Their strength is something I admire and respect. 

We do not see others' struggles. If we can pay it forward with a positive purpose for another person, it pays dividends. Paying it forward has nothing to do with money or buying someone a coffee. Paying it forward is utilizing your passion in a purposeful manner to help others. A simple share or like helps as well. Humanity wins on this one. 

Starting with Smiles

I am beaming right now. I just checked my Amazon report and I sold 4 Kindle pre-orders already. Even out of the U.S. OMG. Thank you all so much! The paperback will have expanded distribution. That is why the price ($14.95USD) is high. I have to cut my "profits" to get the most exposure. 

I truly am so grateful. To sell 4 in one day flabbergasts me. That is why I wanted to have the paperback available for pre-order because I think it will sell. I honestly put everything into this book. I put myself back into 2002-2003. I think I am good with listening to Jimmy Eat World for awhile.

I did not let this cripple me. I let it condition me to only be stronger. My mind is still mushy. I think I get the mock book today maybe. I hope there aren't too many errors. Editing bores me. Especially because I have to keep doing it.

Thank you and I am so fortunate for you!


Meaningful Message

This morning, I received a message from a strong, inspiring, and purely positive person. We have interacted on social media. The energy and powerful positivity they exude always inspires me. They gave me amazing news that they are going through a transition by choice.

This is incredible. It was an inspiration to me. I just shed another layer of my former self's skin on social media. I have learned that you can design your dreams and the place for the past does not have to be in the present. 

I was the best investment I ever made and now I get to do what I want. 

Global Gains

I am so fortunate for the AMA Feed! They want to make the world a better place! They strive for societal strength. Tatiana is amazing! 

I am doing an AMA on my upcoming book and also you can ask me anything. From blogging to hiding my writing from the world for my whole life. I am taking questions now and it officially kicks off on July 2, 2018 at noon! 

Fellow east coasters, you can virtually spend your lunch break with me!

You can ask questions anonymously! I love the opportunity for the global platform. 


Photo on 6-23-18 at 7.17 PM.jpg


I ordered a head of lettuce and did grocery pickup. It was 89 cents, the lettuce was definitely not a head that I would have picked up if I was in the store physically shopping, but as I sifted through the head, I found enough good pieces to make a salad.  I wasn't frustrated, I knew I would be able to at least get 1 or 2 good salads out of it.  


The moral of this story is, there is good in everything and everyone. Sometimes you immediately see it and sometimes you have to sift for it. Strive to find the good and you will be rewarded.  



Sunday Statements

So, in cruising for quotes, I encountered this one and it resonates with me. I never let anyone know I wrote. I was terrified to be judged. I lacked confidence and couldn't accept criticism. 


On Sundays, I set the stage. Inspired by Jack Kerouac, Ernest Hemingway, and of course, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Focused on passions, pursuits, life, and love. Also, it is getting warm, these magnets are tough to get off of the refrigerator.




Paying it Forward to a Father

Yesterday was Father's Day. My father passed away in 1995, so this is something that means a lot to me. One of my best friends growing up, now has 6 beautiful children and an amazing husband. A father to these amazing children, he is in need of a kidney. If anyone out there can please visit their Facebook page, read their story, share it, or help in anyway, that would be a great gift.

Selfless acts are stronger than monetary motives. I believe in paying it forward. This is positively paying it forward and it costs nothing, but a little bit of your time.

I believe in kindness and believe this father and husband deserves every chance to possible find a matching donor.


Transforming your Thoughts

A Blog Post to Coincide With Tonight's AMA

So, I am guilty of being pessimistic in the past. We are talking 25 years of it. I wondered why I would not be successful in relationships and friendships. I knew I was kind of miserable to be around. Instead of finding fault with myself, it was always another person's fault. It was never me.  I then met someone who called me out on it. This person pointed out that I was miserable and complained all the time.  

Despite reading self-help books through the years, writing, and having a career; I seemed to only get more miserable. I felt that nothing I did was ever recognized or rewarded although I tried so hard to make everyone happy. I then lost my job, which was my identity. Then I lost most of my friends, which were from work. My free time was either talking to someone about work or going out with people from work, and then I was all alone. 

I felt as if I lost my identity. I went through a wide range of emotions and I was happy one night. I then decided to go to a networking event because I just lost mostly everyone. I had my writing, but the one person who saw it, was very critical of it, and made me lose the little bit of confidence I had left. The networking event did not go as I hoped, so I came home very deflated.  

I had what I thought 10% left of the life I had. 10% is a discount on a coupon that serves no purpose I thought. I then decided what is the point. I may as well lose myself completely. I couldn't find a job despite applying endlessly and working so hard on finding one. I was completely alone. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. Then I had some nasty words splashed in my face by a friend which added insult to injury.

I then lost that friend. Just walked away with no notice, no explanation, and no response. I then made a decision saying, "Screw this. I am the only one who will fight the fight for me. I don't need anyone else. I want to change and I do not want to change for anyone, but myself. I was ready to work on myself, to fight for myself, and finally decide who I want to be."

It took time. I took a lot of free online courses that taught basic skills like how to be positive, mindfulness, influencing others, communication foundations, and reinventing yourself. Yes, I had to take these. I thought I knew what I was doing in life, I thought I was navigating just fine, but I wasn't happy. Something had to give. I had to give time to myself to force myself out of my former mindset.  

I worked on myself 24/7. That includes getting the proper amount of sleep. I stepped outside of myself and asked myself, who am I? What do I want to do? Can I be happy for the rest of my life? Being the previous pessimist, I had of list of so many things that I did not want to do for a career. Just because I was a manager at a company did not mean I had to be a manager at another company.

I delved in deep and realized I am a leader, but want to now transform into a thought leader where I want to have a global impact. I can get to inspire more people, than a small team within a company. I love to help people. I am actually a nurturing person. I am a writer, even though, only one person knew. I love music. I am a great cook. I am creative, vibrant, transparent, smart, funny, and now was going to be happy.  

So I self-reflected, then I became self-aware, and then I got to work. I started writing a little bit and putting a little bit out there. I applied for jobs still. I had a horrible interview and on my way home, I thought, stifling corporations do not align with my values so I am going to be what I am, a writer. I quietly changed my LinkedIn profile to shed my former self because I saw that I do not identify with a company and will use it as experience, but it does not define me, and should not be my LinkedIn headline.

I started branding myself, formulating a mission statement, and thought of myself as an enterprise. One night, after another one of my friends decided that her job was more important than me, I made a decision. I felt no anger because now I gauge my reactions. I wanted to take the disappointment I felt and do something empowering and epic. I then made this website.  

I think I made it on 5/15/18 and in such a short amount of time, I got here, just by making a promise to myself on 5/1/18 that I was going to my proudest project. I have accomplished more and have had more impact since May 1, than I had in my whole career. The World Wide Web is honestly the world at your fingertips and it totally gives you access to make an impact and inspire others.  

Staying positive requires knowing you have to change and then wanting to actually do the work to change. Reading one book does not do it. It is a lot of mental training. I am not an athlete, but the way you see them train to get ready for competitions is what I did with my brain. It requires practice, work, follow-up, and daily focus. You have to condition your mind to be kind, to not judge, and to make decisions that are best for you, not for anyone else. You were given a birth right, so be yourself. There should be no shame in anything. That is the toughest thing I had to prove to myself and by learning that, I can now speak openly because I am strong!  

Disappointments still happen, but I just react to them differently now. You can either have it destroy you or develop you. I use it to develop me for the event I have been training for, and am ready to partake in, and that everyone, is a life of happiness! I now get to share and inspire!  That is the ultimate reward in life, that is why we exist. Also paying it forward does not cost anything and is really simple to do!  

"The positivity platform! New month, new you! Summer is starting soon!

"The positivity platform! New month, new you! Summer is starting soon!

31 Days of Determination

I did it!

I wrote in my gratitude journal every day for 31 days straight. I stuck true to my word and began my positivity path on May 1 and maybe had 2 days where I had obstacles, but overcame them by realizing that, while people are hard-wired for being defensive, they are kind. Nature and nurture.  

With the obstacles, I decided to recharge my brain and contact people who could assist me or support me. It is absolutely acceptable to ask for help. Without help, you can't do it all on your own. Once you have a connection with someone, be it a former classmate, colleague, family member, or friend, they will be there for you in the best capacity that they can.  

I intend to pay it forward to others and have already started one leg of that journey. In the 31 days, I have officially decided yesterday that I am not looking to go into merchandising roles, operations management roles, or project manager roles. I will quietly change my LinkedIn on the weekend. I am a writer. There are plenty of opportunities out there.

While, it may not be the ideal situation, such as being my own entity, I will be happy and not be stifled by the corporate constrictions. My career coach has assisted me in getting my name out there and people are noticing me and everyone is shocked that I can write.

Some secrets when they are released into the world are the best kept. I talked to my mother yesterday and said I was going to start writing and she didn't judge me at all. She said, "my gosh, you always used to write. I have all this stuff when you were a kid still if you want it." Looking back, she probably read the journals that were everywhere laying there freely. No diary under lock and key, but exposed and enticing.

Perhaps, I will get picked up by a company, it would give me more access to resources that I sometimes have trouble finding. I get to work on my books. I am still applying to jobs for writers so who knows where I will end up and if I will be part of a company or my own entity.

I had a business owner ask me who I hired to create my website, I laughed. I said, I did it. The one woman army.

The things I have learned in the past 3 months are things I didn't have time to learn over the past 15 years. I am going to keep learning as much as I can, live life on my terms and be happy, and keep writing.  

Chaos Conquered

So, even the most positive people have instances where they get hit with a cluster of chaos. I can best describe it as standing alone in an alley feeling calm and happy. Out of nowhere, you are unexpectedly attacked by assailants. The assailants are circumstances and instead of bruises, broken bones, or blood, you are knocked out by negativity.

Today, this happened. A fireball of fate forcing my mood into having a frown that needed to be turned upside down  I had an issue at home due to the heat and had to reach out to a former high school classmate to help me. He helped me right away. I am so grateful because the last time we had spoken was the last time, I had a similar emergency. I apologized that I didn't go through the proper chains of problem resolution and went right to the top. He was so helpful and is a true leader and even though he is in a position to not have to help me, he did. Humanity won today! I offered sending him a gift card and he said, "alumni help other alumni out". Thank you so much and that is why I have been a customer for 13 years and speak so highly of the company!  

He pays it forward and I hope one day, I can do the same for him. So many times, people do not ask for help because they feel like it is not a good quality to have or they don't like when people do it to them. I do not adopt that mentality, I had an emergency and immediately thought of him to solve it quickly. I can't thank him enough.  

At the same time, I had someone asking to come over and use the pool. It is someone I no longer can have in my life because our values do not align. I feel discomfort and my property can no longer being the city's public inground pool. I, the owner, do not only exist from May-September. I exist the rest of the year too. It took a lot of energy out of me and other days were posed, but I simply stated, I am too busy now.  

Add to this concoction of chaos: getting 1 rejection email for the job I was very excited about and had statistical proof that I had the audience.  

Instead of crying and being frustrated, I stared at my refrigerator and told myself, "no, you will not break down over these minor things". I then laid down and cranked John Spa Williams "Positive People Sleep Remedies Meditation Techniques Spiritual Healing Music". Phew, say that 100 times! Apple Music is amazing. I sprayed aromatherapy spray on the pillow, took deep breaths, and napped.  

I used to always love first waking up in the morning because I used to forget about everything bad. That would only last a few seconds and then stress would set in. Now, I wake up every day with a positive frame of mind and it's been lasting, but sometimes if I feel that negative forces are drawing me in, I need a time out. The phone goes on do not disturb and on silent and I shift my focus to positive thinking.

I woke up and will have technicians here tomorrow morning to assist me, I had a very nice email written to me, and I asked 2 friends to come over and go swimming because I needed some leisure time with laughs. Just seeing their happiness made me feel better immediately. These are two strong people who both deserve happiness and I am glad they found each other. I admire them both. It is comforting to know that when two forces of nature get together, they are actually the calm before the storm. Yet, there is no storm, there is only calm. I needed to see that calm today. I needed the confirmation that there is good in the world.