I ordered a head of lettuce and did grocery pickup. It was 89 cents, the lettuce was definitely not a head that I would have picked up if I was in the store physically shopping, but as I sifted through the head, I found enough good pieces to make a salad. I wasn't frustrated, I knew I would be able to at least get 1 or 2 good salads out of it.
The moral of this story is, there is good in everything and everyone. Sometimes you immediately see it and sometimes you have to sift for it. Strive to find the good and you will be rewarded.
So, in cruising for quotes, I encountered this one and it resonates with me. I never let anyone know I wrote. I was terrified to be judged. I lacked confidence and couldn't accept criticism.
On Sundays, I set the stage. Inspired by Jack Kerouac, Ernest Hemingway, and of course, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Focused on passions, pursuits, life, and love. Also, it is getting warm, these magnets are tough to get off of the refrigerator.
Individualism, creativity, self-love, self-expression, and self-acceptance are the themes of this week.
I just remembered how much I used to love reading William Faulkner.
A Blog Post to Coincide With Tonight's AMA
So, I am guilty of being pessimistic in the past. We are talking 25 years of it. I wondered why I would not be successful in relationships and friendships. I knew I was kind of miserable to be around. Instead of finding fault with myself, it was always another person's fault. It was never me. I then met someone who called me out on it. This person pointed out that I was miserable and complained all the time.
Despite reading self-help books through the years, writing, and having a career; I seemed to only get more miserable. I felt that nothing I did was ever recognized or rewarded although I tried so hard to make everyone happy. I then lost my job, which was my identity. Then I lost most of my friends, which were from work. My free time was either talking to someone about work or going out with people from work, and then I was all alone.
I felt as if I lost my identity. I went through a wide range of emotions and I was happy one night. I then decided to go to a networking event because I just lost mostly everyone. I had my writing, but the one person who saw it, was very critical of it, and made me lose the little bit of confidence I had left. The networking event did not go as I hoped, so I came home very deflated.
I had what I thought 10% left of the life I had. 10% is a discount on a coupon that serves no purpose I thought. I then decided what is the point. I may as well lose myself completely. I couldn't find a job despite applying endlessly and working so hard on finding one. I was completely alone. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. Then I had some nasty words splashed in my face by a friend which added insult to injury.
I then lost that friend. Just walked away with no notice, no explanation, and no response. I then made a decision saying, "Screw this. I am the only one who will fight the fight for me. I don't need anyone else. I want to change and I do not want to change for anyone, but myself. I was ready to work on myself, to fight for myself, and finally decide who I want to be."
It took time. I took a lot of free online courses that taught basic skills like how to be positive, mindfulness, influencing others, communication foundations, and reinventing yourself. Yes, I had to take these. I thought I knew what I was doing in life, I thought I was navigating just fine, but I wasn't happy. Something had to give. I had to give time to myself to force myself out of my former mindset.
I worked on myself 24/7. That includes getting the proper amount of sleep. I stepped outside of myself and asked myself, who am I? What do I want to do? Can I be happy for the rest of my life? Being the previous pessimist, I had of list of so many things that I did not want to do for a career. Just because I was a manager at a company did not mean I had to be a manager at another company.
I delved in deep and realized I am a leader, but want to now transform into a thought leader where I want to have a global impact. I can get to inspire more people, than a small team within a company. I love to help people. I am actually a nurturing person. I am a writer, even though, only one person knew. I love music. I am a great cook. I am creative, vibrant, transparent, smart, funny, and now was going to be happy.
So I self-reflected, then I became self-aware, and then I got to work. I started writing a little bit and putting a little bit out there. I applied for jobs still. I had a horrible interview and on my way home, I thought, stifling corporations do not align with my values so I am going to be what I am, a writer. I quietly changed my LinkedIn profile to shed my former self because I saw that I do not identify with a company and will use it as experience, but it does not define me, and should not be my LinkedIn headline.
I started branding myself, formulating a mission statement, and thought of myself as an enterprise. One night, after another one of my friends decided that her job was more important than me, I made a decision. I felt no anger because now I gauge my reactions. I wanted to take the disappointment I felt and do something empowering and epic. I then made this website.
I think I made it on 5/15/18 and in such a short amount of time, I got here, just by making a promise to myself on 5/1/18 that I was going to my proudest project. I have accomplished more and have had more impact since May 1, than I had in my whole career. The World Wide Web is honestly the world at your fingertips and it totally gives you access to make an impact and inspire others.
Staying positive requires knowing you have to change and then wanting to actually do the work to change. Reading one book does not do it. It is a lot of mental training. I am not an athlete, but the way you see them train to get ready for competitions is what I did with my brain. It requires practice, work, follow-up, and daily focus. You have to condition your mind to be kind, to not judge, and to make decisions that are best for you, not for anyone else. You were given a birth right, so be yourself. There should be no shame in anything. That is the toughest thing I had to prove to myself and by learning that, I can now speak openly because I am strong!
Disappointments still happen, but I just react to them differently now. You can either have it destroy you or develop you. I use it to develop me for the event I have been training for, and am ready to partake in, and that everyone, is a life of happiness! I now get to share and inspire! That is the ultimate reward in life, that is why we exist. Also paying it forward does not cost anything and is really simple to do!
I did it!
I wrote in my gratitude journal every day for 31 days straight. I stuck true to my word and began my positivity path on May 1 and maybe had 2 days where I had obstacles, but overcame them by realizing that, while people are hard-wired for being defensive, they are kind. Nature and nurture.
With the obstacles, I decided to recharge my brain and contact people who could assist me or support me. It is absolutely acceptable to ask for help. Without help, you can't do it all on your own. Once you have a connection with someone, be it a former classmate, colleague, family member, or friend, they will be there for you in the best capacity that they can.
I intend to pay it forward to others and have already started one leg of that journey. In the 31 days, I have officially decided yesterday that I am not looking to go into merchandising roles, operations management roles, or project manager roles. I will quietly change my LinkedIn on the weekend. I am a writer. There are plenty of opportunities out there.
While, it may not be the ideal situation, such as being my own entity, I will be happy and not be stifled by the corporate constrictions. My career coach has assisted me in getting my name out there and people are noticing me and everyone is shocked that I can write.
Some secrets when they are released into the world are the best kept. I talked to my mother yesterday and said I was going to start writing and she didn't judge me at all. She said, "my gosh, you always used to write. I have all this stuff when you were a kid still if you want it." Looking back, she probably read the journals that were everywhere laying there freely. No diary under lock and key, but exposed and enticing.
Perhaps, I will get picked up by a company, it would give me more access to resources that I sometimes have trouble finding. I get to work on my books. I am still applying to jobs for writers so who knows where I will end up and if I will be part of a company or my own entity.
I had a business owner ask me who I hired to create my website, I laughed. I said, I did it. The one woman army.
The things I have learned in the past 3 months are things I didn't have time to learn over the past 15 years. I am going to keep learning as much as I can, live life on my terms and be happy, and keep writing.
Inspired by connections, success, and culture. Driven by great forces such as Oscar Wilde and Ernest Hemingway.
Perfect your persona!
Adjusting your attitude
Sunday May 20, 2018.
Every Sunday, the quotes are changed. It is a fun routine that keeps me in a positive mindset. Actively making this a practice has honestly worked. I thought "changing your mind" was "junk science", but it is actually a thing!
Imitation is really inspiration.
When we were children, we all had someone we looked up to. We wanted to celebrate them in our own, individualistic way.
Mine was Debbie Gibson and to celebrate her impact on me, I wore a hat like the one she wore in the "Electric Youth" video. I also wore the perfume "Electric Youth".
If someone believes in you and if you had a positive impact on them, they want to pay it forward. I think it is a honor and privilege to pass positivity, kindness, and knowledge along. If you inspire one person, you have done your job. They go on to inspire others. With these simple acts, we can all make the world a better place!
What inspires you?
Music inspires me. I am currently listening to Adele's "21" album. Listening to these women belt out their souls with such beautiful voices. Transforming their pain into a powerful testament of their strength.
Who cannot admire and appreciate that?