What a Week

Memoirs Style

Saturday 8.31.19

Heard from a real relic of my past. Good thing I know how to get them to be good and gone. People who I assumed believed in me have opted to ignore me. When you have nothing, you become nothing. I am sad that selfishness runs rampant. I have grown beyond exhausted of hearing the excruciating words: ‘take any job.’ I saved my house for a few months. I have begun completely emptying it. No one seems to understand the seriousness or severity of my issues. Ignorance is pure bliss. In the back of my mind, I think I will be saved, but things are not progressing. I sleep when I can. Strangers care for me more than anyone. America makes me sad.

Sunday 09.01.19

I am flattered by the new moon and the men who have resurrected. I can safely say I do not need a man. Why show up now after the past 18.5 months have been a horrific hell? It is too late, and I am too far gone. Thanks but no thanks.

Monday 09.02.19

Labor Day, where my labor goes unpaid and reaps no rewards. I ate dinner with my grandparents. I am fortunate to still have them. I show up when they need me, not when I need them.

Tuesday 09.03.19

Angry that as a seller, I do my part and perform. Then I get a decision against me because the USPS drops the ball like no other. I hope there will be a day where I do not have to sell in a futile and flailing attempt to survive. The platform announced it is offering extra seller protection due to Hurricane Dorian. I call bullshit on that one. They offer zero seller protection and remind me of Mercari.

Wednesday 09.04.19

Working on something and cannot disclose what that something is. I saw the devastation in The Bahamas, and while I have not experienced a natural disaster, my life has somewhat become a disaster. I reached out asking how to send clothing and supplies. I am awaiting a response. I heard from an old friend tonight, the kind of faithful friend who once deemed themselves as my biggest fan. They still are. I also have solidity and proof that maybe I can write.

Thursday 09.05.19

Woke up to some sack of shit claiming I tampered with their shit-ass skincare product. Sweetheart, I am broke as fuck and would not put that shit on my face if someone paid me. The company claims to be earth-friendly therefore; they do not seal their products. How is that my fault, Cunt Master? I hope you take the money I refunded for your first world problem and donate it to hurricane relief. I hate mankind. You think that is a significant problem? Let’s drop you off in The Bahamas and see how well you fare princess.

Then some dick bag responded to my donating goods because money is not a reality in this broken and shit-stained world that I live in. A user ‘advancedgoogle’ claimed that my personal life simply consists of only movie advertising. First off, ball sack, I can smoke your ass in Google. I responded eloquently, naturally, and got upvoted quick. The pansy deleted their comment because they should have known better to not cast words at me because words are my weapon.

The new Lana Del Rey album is brilliant, dark, melancholic, and incredible. The dark goddess, is back and this album is a true work of art. Without darkness, creativity suffers, and you lose your edge a little bit. This album is full of pain and a shattered spirit. I absolutely am balls to the wall obsessed with it.

I am not quite sure what has been up people’s asses lately, but I am in no mood for their shit and am not tolerating it. Don’t act like you care one day and then just go AWOL the next. That just isn’t right.

Friday 09.06.19

I had an appointment this morning and went out to my car to see my tire flat. There’s an air pump close, so I drove down and attempted to fill my tire with air. As it was not inflating and I had the pump blocked, I got back in my car and had a car full of neanderthal men yelling that I had a flat tire. No shit Sherlocks.

I had to get home to solve my one of many problems. I had to cancel my appointment, and they were so nice, not charging me for cancellation and took the time to think if they could come to pick me up. I got home and tried thinking, ‘who can I ask to help me?’

I called one person. No answer and my phone call was never returned. I then texted my neighbor, and she was busy but said that she would help me. If I ever become successful in some capacity, I need to repay her and her husband big time. I told her not to worry because I needed to take a break and sleep.

I woke up later, and her husband came with some kind of pump and filled it up enough to go to the tire shop and get it fixed. Turns out, it had a metal shard in it, and they fixed it. At that point, it was in the late afternoon, and my nerves were already shot.

I kept thinking through the day how I have no one here helping me with anything really. I continued to think of all I have done for so many people, and once they got what they wanted, they were done with me. Naturally, I’d hear from them again the next time they needed something, but no one seems to ever pay it forward. Hence why I have lost my hope in mankind.

Then I think of my neighbors and how they have become more like my family. I can just walk in their house, I can count on them, and they help with no end-game. They check to see if I need groceries or food. They have given me so many things to sell and put State Farm to shame because they are not just good neighbors, they are great neighbors. They also do more for me than State Farm, who is my insurance company.

I cried and slept most of the day. Disappointed, destitute, and losing my determination. Listening to Lana Del Rey on repeat and reliving the memories of all my pain and suffering. I could count on very few people. When I am helpless, I do not get much help. Instead, I do the helping. It is because people tell me I am strong.

I then opted to ditch 100 friends on Facebook because people can get fucked. Then come the barging of sound from my phone. Receiving requests and asking for follow-ups. Sometimes I just simply need to breathe. If I say I will do something, I will. My life is somewhat in shambles right now, and I have to be my number one priority. I am fighting the biggest battle of my life.

Then amid my melancholy, I check my email to see a jaw-dropping sender. The music, the melancholy, the mental anguish, and then this message. It was a kind message, and I responded not out of obligation or courtesy but because they were checking on me because they know I am struggling.

Throughout the night, my new batch of friends reached out. It was nice knowing despite every loss, the new kids on the block, the strangers who I’ve met and grown close to over the past few months support me and believe in me. Most of the people I knew do not hold a flame to them. That is the sad truth about life. Once people are situated and comfortable, you see they only needed you in times of trouble.