Rachel Agzigian

What Works me up


17 years later

Some things just never change. I want to write a book Melissa’s Manic MENmoirs so you can meet these pieces of work.

For four years, this disloyal douche told me he was leaving his delusional duchess and here she thinks they are happy. Oh yes, he is ecstatic to have a burden by his side.

Over the course of those four years, I dated another disloyal dick who knocked a chick up while we were dating. After deeming myself officially done with men and doing well with it, enter the most demented of douches in the summer of 2017. He was married and did a number on me. Another one who was unhappy, moving out, in a loveless and sexless relationship, and was somehow intrigued by me.

Nothing physical happened (even though he told me he wanted it to), but emotional shit did. He discounted the whole thing, but I remember him telling me one night he loved me and never loved his wife. Months later, he told me he needed me in his life. When I didn’t conform to him, I was discarded and the whole situation was discounted. He chased me. The more I tried to scare him away, the more magnetic I became. Talk about breaking my fucking heart. He was the modern-day Ron. I just got over him for good maybe two months ago. He is the one who sent me on this crazy-ass journey and if he checks in, I am sure he is laughing his ass off at how fucked my life is.

What really instills the ire inside of me is all of the lies. They lie to their significant others. Why would I think they would be telling me the truth? People wonder why I have MAJOR trust issues and am skeptical and cynical.

being Extra Explained

Well I was super extra and super emotional. I now know why. After not getting a period for three months, finally today Aunt Flo came to town. I knew I wasn’t knocked up because I took tests. Maybe if I was, a DNA test would prove to the bed-ridden beauty that Prince Charming has been cheating on her. He is a weak coward just like his sick spouse. The weak love the weak.

Have I mentioned, I am no longer holding ANYTHING back? No one will hire me anyways so why act all poised and proper when I can talk about whatever I want because I paid $500.80 for this website. It’s mine. If you don’t like it, bounce.

Even though I know I keep your attention. Why have any shame? Judge me all you want because IDGAF.

WOW What a WEAK Woman

I can point out your nasty Monistat just chilling in the bathroom and your designer handbags hanging around. I can send you screenshots with time stamps and you still do not believe that your boyfriend has been cheating on you for four years.

We are happy.” Maybe you are, but he sure as hell isn’t calling for me over the past four years. He lies to you just like he lies to me telling me he has been planning on leaving you, saying, “there are problems, things aren’t good.”

Here you are living in your perfect little bubble thinking Mr. Wonderful is who you imagine him to be. You are weak and need him so much that you don’t believe that he has been very disloyal to you. Obviously, you haven’t satisfied him sexually in four years. Yet, keep thinking he is content and complacent because he is neither with you.

You two definitely deserve each other. He loves to be needed and you have no one else so you will cling to him and be a burden to him.

You were the rebound chick. Once a rebound chick, always a rebound chick. Keep using him to live rent-free and have a sense of false love.

Monistat, I am dominating your SEO, can we get this weak, yeast-ridden bitch a lifetime supply?

Man...Men can act

Introducing Capricorn #1

To Stan

A weak needy orphan in a hospital bed

Yet I am the one whose in your head

Feeble-minded, dumb-she thinks you care

Is she that blind, ignorant, and unaware?

Your perfect poor puppet believing each lie

I am the one that you never could deny

As she lay (hopefully) dying

I have to say I am done trying

Oh and for a Catholic School Teacher, I am sure they will love to see her non-Christian profane language. She has fucked with the wrong bitch.

Oh and you threatened to kill me if I contacted her, be my fucking guest, and put me out of my misery. I will even help you.